How often do you argue?
Oh great. What kind of question is this?
The truth is, we argue more than is healthy. Even once in a while is one time too many. Why is that actually? Why we just looooove to be right? And you can meditate daily, you still notice, that you just cannot let the other one get away with something you see as not correct or not true.
Answer is – it’s not you.
It’s your lovely EGO. Your EGO hates loosing. Your EGO wants to be a winner, no matter what casualties are left on the battle field.
And the more you try to make the other one to see why you are right (and you actually really might be right), the more your discussion partner is getting angry and is pushing back.
Ok. Little thought on this.
- Have you ever realized that majority of the house doors opens towards inside? As I realized this, I had this Aha! reaction.
Well, there might be a pretty nice and reasonable explanation for this. But!
I can imagine that it is easier to push the door if somebody unwelcome is trying to get to your home. Pulling it and ending up with a door handle in your hand and a very talkative neighbor in your living room (in a better case) won’t help.
Aha. So somebody pushes the door in order to get in and you push the door for them to stay outside.
Pressure creates pressure.
How was it with uncle Newton and his Third Law of Motion? “When one body exerts a force on a second body, the second body simultaneously exerts a force equal in magnitude and opposite in direction on the first body.” (Yup, I had to ask Google.)
There we go.
- Imagine driving to work. Usual traffic jam. Early morning you missed your coffee. No damn good! And then you see some other driver without his morning coffee showing you a middle finger. I don’t think that you give that person your most beautiful smile. You probably calls him/her some “nice” names. In the best case.
- Or somebody at work accuses you of making a mistake. Oh no! Not you! They did a mistake too! It’s not your fault. You were given wrong information. You didn’t have enough time. You… They…
You know what I am talking about.
I know what I am talking about 😁 Been there.
Action and reaction.
Action and re-action.
“re” comes from Latin and means “again” or “back”.
It is not the event, but your reaction to the event that determines if it becomes a crisis.
(Justin D. Nutt)
So what happens when somebody pushes your door and you push back?
They push harder. So you push harder too.
Wow, such discussion would end up in a pretty loud argument. Maybe even a fight.
And what happens if somebody pushes your door and you DON’T push back?
The door opens and they most likely fall on their face.
The harder they pushed, the harder they fall.
Basically people wait for the re-action.
For pushing back, so they can take that energy, add to theirs and win more and more strength and power.
Now the question is:
Do you want to feed it? Do you want to be that driving force that strengthen your sparring partner, so they can push more and more bullshit towards you?
I bet you didn’t say “yes” to this, or did you?
So… what can you do about this?
What is the best thing to do if somebody attacks you in any which way (still talking about the communication level here)?
Nothing? Is she crazy?
Well, sometimes the best thing to do, the best re-action, is to do NOTHING.
They yell at you and you offer coffee. Or just turn around and walk away. I would want to see their face.
What you fight you strengthen, what you resist, persists.
Better use your energy to send love to those close to your heart. Including you! 🥰😘